anxiety, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Uncategorized

My future

I question my life choices every day and wonder is it enough for me to be strong-willed and stubborn.

Money plays a large fact in everyday life and with me not being apart of the top 1%, I like everyone else has to work for a living.

Hmm, I am valued by how many hours I put in and how hard I slave away. Being a number in the system doesn’t sound fun to me.

Does anyone truly have a plan for the future? I’m spending thousands of dollar (or pounds) on a chance.

The possibility of a chance to be a writer or a PR agent. What a gamble.

*** Never drink people, this was in my drafts.

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Depressed, Education, Loneliness, Moving, Student, Travel

Traveler’s struggles

Okay, so I’ve been on this traveling journey for close to a year now.

I find that getting the time to travel and completing your at home responsibilities to be my biggest challenge.

This year, I’ve gone to Spain, France, the Netherlands and have now settled in England. The problem with that is that I now have to pay England living prices.

But not just that England university living prices.

For those that don’t know, England is expensive, not Singapore or Hong Kong expensive but up there. For every dollar I spend I cry a little inside.

Not being able to travel at a wim is frustrating and saddening but mostly it makes me feel trapped.

Money is the root to all evil but it supplies you with much needed travel time.

Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Moving, Student, Uncategorized

Job

I finally got a job. After 6 weeks of being jobless and feeling depressed, I start tomorrow.

After working in a call center for 3 years and vowing to never work there again, I applied for call centers again and one said yes.

The only thing that could hinder this is me and my need to prioritize school over money. I know that I need money to go to school but I need school to stay.

Confusing, I know. The catch 22 is in full swing here but I’m excited and cant wait to make money so that I can eat properly and travel.

I need a weekend in Ireland making that will be my fifth country of the year and completing my New Year’s resolution.

Little bit of a view of what I found today. This place isn’t so boring as I originally thought, who knew.

Everyone, just not me.

England, London, Loneliness, Moving, Pokemon go, Student, Travel, Uncategorized, Weed

London

So on the way to and from Amsterdam, I spent time in London. Four days in a free hotel, let’s please keep in mind that I’m still stupid broke, like life on a budget would have been a dream. With that in mind, I still have to travel, staying still is not my thing.

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On Travel day, I got super high off of a weed pen, which Amsterdam does not have. But I was so nervous because going back home to Oklahoma is not an option and neither is failure, so the clouds are where I needed to be.

The flight was 13 hours with a 3.5 hour layover in the ATL. For those who care, the Pokemon Go game is cutthroat in that airport. Team blue beat me like I steal something multiple times, just saying. But I, of course, made it to London safely.

Seconds after checking into the FREE hotel, yes free, I was out the door searching for something to do. Something free would have been nice but who am I kidding. I wondered around central London for over an hour lost like a puppy before I found a book event going on.

People, please don’t judge, but where there are books there is wine and snacks. So I let myself in. On the third floor, the book reading had begun and on the fourth wine was already set up. One thing I learned when being cheap was to always read something about the event you crash, just in case, the wait staff is paid to care. Mine weren’t!

Unfortunately, Weed is not legal in London, however, London is such a mind your own business city that a man rolled up in the seat next to me and no one was surprised or cared. I had to clap because that subway was jerking around like crazy and he ain’t drop a thing. PURE talent.

Those four days were super hard because I was still trying to get used to the six-hour time difference which made it hard to wake up before noon.

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The one thing I didn’t have a hard time finding was China town!

To be honest, I got lost again and decide to follow this group of old Asian ladies they took me right to where I needed to be. After a day of China town, I really wanted to visit one of those Korean places where you get to cook the food for yourself and drink beer. I didn’t find it, so I settled on Chinese ribs and a mountain of rice, which I gave the leftovers to a picky homeless woman who doesn’t like chicken.

I feel like the jetlag and the time change messed me up so bad that I didn’t get to fully enjoy the city. Thinking about going back this weekend and taking in the nightlife but after that, I’m not sure if I should plan for Toronto or Demark. With me keeping in mind that I’m a broke, jobless, college student, both of them sound good as long as I end up back in Amsterdam.

Amsterdam, Moving, Netherlands, Student, Travel, Uncategorized, Weed

I visited Amsterdam

I want to go to Berlin, but my Grandmother was afraid and told me to go to the Netherlands. Well, I’m not gonna argue with Smoking week all day with the friendliest people.

This was the view from the airplane and I am in love already. I tend to go to places where water is close, I’m not sure if it’s my love of the ocean or the easy escape route but I can’t help it.

The customs process was peaceful and quick, the only thing that got me was that I couldn’t find a way out of the airport. This really doesn’t say anything about the airport, since I can’t follow the directions of a straight line, it was just one of my struggles.

The three things that I had to keep in mind when planning this trip was that I’m broke, School starts in a week and that I’m a broke college student. That’s life, so everything was done on the cheap.

For accommodations, I chose a hostel near the center of the city. For 6 nights, I spent less than $200.00, which is amazing, however, there was no elevator. The building had 4 stories and I was on the top floor. I hauled two large size suitcases up 3 flights of stairs only to turn around only to meet a room full of men.

The room was a mixed dorm, which is often times the cheapest. I smiled at everyone in the room and got stuck with the top bunk. They were nice and let me know ahead of time that they were about to party hard and drink all night. I was cool with that but I didn’t know at the time that they were professional partiers.

Leaving everything in the room, I head back down the stairs and out the door.

For the next 6 days, I woke up late, smoked weed all days, had every edible I could get my hands on and I loved it. The weather as on and off but none of that changed the people’s moods nor mine. I loved the peaceful cloud that the weed or the environment had me in.

Walking around the city lost for hours was the best thing, sitting by the water watching the boats go by had me in a trance. I was truly content was my life and then leaving day happened. Back to England, I go.

But oh the memories.

Adjustment, England, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Student, Travel, Uncategorized

I Made a Mistake

I left my family, friends, job, everything I knew for a dream and the perfect school for that dream. Every morning I wake up and I ask myself is this what I wanted?

I’m 25, which isn’t old to me but is to this school causing me to stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t belong here and I see that, not just on my face in the mirror but on the face of others. Big school in a little town, surrounded by older people and me, that one struggling to survive American.

I think I made a mistake.

My personality doesn’t belong here. The class is different to the point where I want to cry and have because I’m just not getting it. The words, “Don’t cry in front of people”, plays on a loop inside my head.

Why do you other people feel? Do they have the support of family, are they drowning like me?

I moved to Buckingham for school and it’s just me. I don’t have family support or funding, like others, nor will my proud allow me to ask for it.

What did I do?