Adjustment, anxiety, Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Student

Fight

Life is looking up, I feel less out of control in certain aspects of my life. Making moves in order to chase a dream has proven to be a challenge in itself but I am ready for it… slightly.

I’m scared out of my mind and up until a day ago I was preparing to run away and hide out in the Netherlands for a month or two.

When picking a school, I thought about the school that would give me the biggest leg up in the career that I was wanting. I did not understand that that would come with a school that is not well organized nor well equipped to deal with
me and how I am making payments.

The administration is one of the biggest reasons that I’ve had so many issues with transitioning into this university life. Instead of worrying about grades and homework, I’m worried about bills and being able to eat.

I recently learned that students in California are living in their cars on campus and I was like well damn I could have done that back in the states. That is the saddest thought, outside of the crippling depression.

Yes, I have gone to see someone about it and her advice was to go home and that university is not for everyone.

WHAT? My insides were scream “how dare this lady tell you to give up!” I stared at a woman that sounded like society and nodded knowing I was not able to give up after sinking this far into debt.

Society nor depression will push me off the path to my dream job.

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Adjustment, Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Student, Uncategorized

Exhausted

So… life is exhausting! I have worked 12-hour shifts every day for the last month. The sad part is that here, you only get paid once a month. All my work and the lack of sleep shows only once a month.

I can’t afford to breathe while paying for college and I’ve completely forgotten what I’m fighting for.

The stress of college students have has reached an all-time high, fuck those other students, my stress has reached an all-time high and I’m not even in class right now.

I couldn’t afford to leave because my university held me on a sting for 4 weeks only to tell me to wait longer.

If life is going to continue to royally fuck me I need to man up and look up. So this degree, probably won’t help with that.

I should have listened to my mother and I’m so fuckin tired.

 

anxiety, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Uncategorized

My future

I question my life choices every day and wonder is it enough for me to be strong-willed and stubborn.

Money plays a large fact in everyday life and with me not being apart of the top 1%, I like everyone else has to work for a living.

Hmm, I am valued by how many hours I put in and how hard I slave away. Being a number in the system doesn’t sound fun to me.

Does anyone truly have a plan for the future? I’m spending thousands of dollar (or pounds) on a chance.

The possibility of a chance to be a writer or a PR agent. What a gamble.

*** Never drink people, this was in my drafts.

Adjustment, Buckingham, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Mistake, Student, Travel, Tulsa, Uncategorized, Weed

My life sucks.

In a previous post, I acknowledge that I feel like this move was a mistake but it feels like the mistake that keeps on giving.

My glasses broke, so for everyone that’s not 20/20, you know my pain. I ordered my replacement pair which it will take up to 14 days to get to me. Well, I woke up today with an email that says it was shipped to the wrong address.

I am blind! I can’t see a good foot in front of me. I like glasses and the fact that they allow me to see things.

Since I still have to go on interviews, work for the bulletin, complete assignments, copy lecture boards, and edit, so much editing. Glasses would be nice.

If it not one thing it’s another. I miss Smoking so much that it’s affecting the way I drink and the amount of time I spend doing bullshit.

Welcome to University, where your life will be thrown upside down with the expectancy that it will help you in the future years.

The educational system may be a scam and I fell extreme hard into reality.

Adjustment, England, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Student, Travel, Uncategorized

I Made a Mistake

I left my family, friends, job, everything I knew for a dream and the perfect school for that dream. Every morning I wake up and I ask myself is this what I wanted?

I’m 25, which isn’t old to me but is to this school causing me to stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t belong here and I see that, not just on my face in the mirror but on the face of others. Big school in a little town, surrounded by older people and me, that one struggling to survive American.

I think I made a mistake.

My personality doesn’t belong here. The class is different to the point where I want to cry and have because I’m just not getting it. The words, “Don’t cry in front of people”, plays on a loop inside my head.

Why do you other people feel? Do they have the support of family, are they drowning like me?

I moved to Buckingham for school and it’s just me. I don’t have family support or funding, like others, nor will my proud allow me to ask for it.

What did I do?