Adjustment, Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Student, Uncategorized

Exhausted

So… life is exhausting! I have worked 12-hour shifts every day for the last month. The sad part is that here, you only get paid once a month. All my work and the lack of sleep shows only once a month.

I can’t afford to breathe while paying for college and I’ve completely forgotten what I’m fighting for.

The stress of college students have has reached an all-time high, fuck those other students, my stress has reached an all-time high and I’m not even in class right now.

I couldn’t afford to leave because my university held me on a sting for 4 weeks only to tell me to wait longer.

If life is going to continue to royally fuck me I need to man up and look up. So this degree, probably won’t help with that.

I should have listened to my mother and I’m so fuckin tired.

 

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Adjustment, anxiety, Budget, Cheap, Education, England, Loneliness, Planning, Student, Travel

Life without money

As much as I would like to be dripping in C notes, I’m not.

But heres the thing, I dont have expensive taste. I live paycheck to paycheck and it’s fine because i shop on the cheap always.

However, my addiction to traveling has left me wanting that lavish lifestyle. It’s forcing my mind to panic and like for money every where I turn.

I see now why people become strippers to fund school and if I was in shape I’d do it as well. But I’d also be terrible at it because I can’t dance.

Like at all. It’s a shame.

The need for a second job is pulling my down and making life hard.

Like every other self funded college student I must learn to push through.

Life has changed and I must adapt and change with it to survive.

anxiety, Depressed, Education, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Student

Anxiety Attack

I had a massive anxiety attack during an interview.

So if you don’t know, I’m in college studying journalism. Yay! However, it’s crazy hard and I’ve been struggling to keep up.

The professor says that I’m taking it to serious and that I’m not doing awful.

Apparently, my mind and body are not in agreement with him.

But I was out following a story and just walked into this man’s shop. Sweet man and he had no problem letting me interview him.

I have been told that I talk to much and need to let the person speak. Well I spoke during the interview and that completely screwed me.

I got a hot flash and my ears started to ring, I got lightheaded and could hear my heartbeat in my ear.

The stress, thought and fear of failure is trying to kill me.

I stood there and let this mental attack go on because I needed this shot. This interview was so needed that I would have given up without it.

University is so stressful and I didn’t realize how much my body was suffering.

It was definitely a kick in the ass.

Depressed, Education, Loneliness, Moving, Student, Travel

Traveler’s struggles

Okay, so I’ve been on this traveling journey for close to a year now.

I find that getting the time to travel and completing your at home responsibilities to be my biggest challenge.

This year, I’ve gone to Spain, France, the Netherlands and have now settled in England. The problem with that is that I now have to pay England living prices.

But not just that England university living prices.

For those that don’t know, England is expensive, not Singapore or Hong Kong expensive but up there. For every dollar I spend I cry a little inside.

Not being able to travel at a wim is frustrating and saddening but mostly it makes me feel trapped.

Money is the root to all evil but it supplies you with much needed travel time.

Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Moving, Student, Uncategorized

Job

I finally got a job. After 6 weeks of being jobless and feeling depressed, I start tomorrow.

After working in a call center for 3 years and vowing to never work there again, I applied for call centers again and one said yes.

The only thing that could hinder this is me and my need to prioritize school over money. I know that I need money to go to school but I need school to stay.

Confusing, I know. The catch 22 is in full swing here but I’m excited and cant wait to make money so that I can eat properly and travel.

I need a weekend in Ireland making that will be my fifth country of the year and completing my New Year’s resolution.

Little bit of a view of what I found today. This place isn’t so boring as I originally thought, who knew.

Everyone, just not me.

Adjustment, Buckingham, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Mistake, Student, Travel, Tulsa, Uncategorized, Weed

My life sucks.

In a previous post, I acknowledge that I feel like this move was a mistake but it feels like the mistake that keeps on giving.

My glasses broke, so for everyone that’s not 20/20, you know my pain. I ordered my replacement pair which it will take up to 14 days to get to me. Well, I woke up today with an email that says it was shipped to the wrong address.

I am blind! I can’t see a good foot in front of me. I like glasses and the fact that they allow me to see things.

Since I still have to go on interviews, work for the bulletin, complete assignments, copy lecture boards, and edit, so much editing. Glasses would be nice.

If it not one thing it’s another. I miss Smoking so much that it’s affecting the way I drink and the amount of time I spend doing bullshit.

Welcome to University, where your life will be thrown upside down with the expectancy that it will help you in the future years.

The educational system may be a scam and I fell extreme hard into reality.

Buckingham, England, Gemma Doyle, London, Loneliness, Oklahoma, Student, Travel, Tulsa, Uber, Uncategorized

I was trapped.

I had planned a nice trip to London for Friday and Saturday but you know what I couldn’t leave my small Buckingham town. The fair had closed down the center of the town for 48 hours, which turned out to mean that the bus would skip the town completely.

I’m not sure about everywhere else but in Tulsa, Oklahoma, the fair affects two things, traffic, and your attitude when you have to pay 20 dollars for parking.

Not only did the bus not come but every cab and taxi were either not picking up or their line was busy. There is no Uber in Buckingham! Like where have I landed where Uber is not a thing.

But alls cool that ends cool, I saved a ton of money by staying in my small room that they call a dorm room. However, I did get out to see what this 15 hour fair was all about.

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It was cute, the kids had fun and almost everyone in the town seemed to be out and about. Walking through the crown I could hear parents trying to keep up with their kids and kids moving as fast as they can to make it in time for the ride.

Although not my scene, I give it a 4.5 out of 5 for the fairness of the games. They were yelling the same thing no matter where you went, “EVERYONE’S A WINNER”, which turned out to be true.

I didn’t stay for the fair because I was going to what turned out to be a beautiful concert on the outskirts of town in this little bar. A very talented singer named Gemma Doyle performed and I believe that woman gave her soul to angels in exchange for her voice. It was amazing.

The crown was very happy to have her there and she also sang happy birthday to one of the members of the staff. She is a survivor of a terminal illness and found that singing was the one thing that lifted her spirits while she was fighting.

She was the sweetest person and was a lovely end to the day.

Even those I wasn’t able to go to London it was still a nice time and I didn’t have to travel far. But I’m trying again for London this week, I need to get out of here. 🙂

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