Adjustment, anxiety, Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Student

Fight

Life is looking up, I feel less out of control in certain aspects of my life. Making moves in order to chase a dream has proven to be a challenge in itself but I am ready for it… slightly.

I’m scared out of my mind and up until a day ago I was preparing to run away and hide out in the Netherlands for a month or two.

When picking a school, I thought about the school that would give me the biggest leg up in the career that I was wanting. I did not understand that that would come with a school that is not well organized nor well equipped to deal with
me and how I am making payments.

The administration is one of the biggest reasons that I’ve had so many issues with transitioning into this university life. Instead of worrying about grades and homework, I’m worried about bills and being able to eat.

I recently learned that students in California are living in their cars on campus and I was like well damn I could have done that back in the states. That is the saddest thought, outside of the crippling depression.

Yes, I have gone to see someone about it and her advice was to go home and that university is not for everyone.

WHAT? My insides were scream “how dare this lady tell you to give up!” I stared at a woman that sounded like society and nodded knowing I was not able to give up after sinking this far into debt.

Society nor depression will push me off the path to my dream job.

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Adjustment, Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Student, Uncategorized

Exhausted

So… life is exhausting! I have worked 12-hour shifts every day for the last month. The sad part is that here, you only get paid once a month. All my work and the lack of sleep shows only once a month.

I can’t afford to breathe while paying for college and I’ve completely forgotten what I’m fighting for.

The stress of college students have has reached an all-time high, fuck those other students, my stress has reached an all-time high and I’m not even in class right now.

I couldn’t afford to leave because my university held me on a sting for 4 weeks only to tell me to wait longer.

If life is going to continue to royally fuck me I need to man up and look up. So this degree, probably won’t help with that.

I should have listened to my mother and I’m so fuckin tired.

 

anxiety, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Uncategorized

My future

I question my life choices every day and wonder is it enough for me to be strong-willed and stubborn.

Money plays a large fact in everyday life and with me not being apart of the top 1%, I like everyone else has to work for a living.

Hmm, I am valued by how many hours I put in and how hard I slave away. Being a number in the system doesn’t sound fun to me.

Does anyone truly have a plan for the future? I’m spending thousands of dollar (or pounds) on a chance.

The possibility of a chance to be a writer or a PR agent. What a gamble.

*** Never drink people, this was in my drafts.

anxiety, Depressed, Education, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Student

Anxiety Attack

I had a massive anxiety attack during an interview.

So if you don’t know, I’m in college studying journalism. Yay! However, it’s crazy hard and I’ve been struggling to keep up.

The professor says that I’m taking it to serious and that I’m not doing awful.

Apparently, my mind and body are not in agreement with him.

But I was out following a story and just walked into this man’s shop. Sweet man and he had no problem letting me interview him.

I have been told that I talk to much and need to let the person speak. Well I spoke during the interview and that completely screwed me.

I got a hot flash and my ears started to ring, I got lightheaded and could hear my heartbeat in my ear.

The stress, thought and fear of failure is trying to kill me.

I stood there and let this mental attack go on because I needed this shot. This interview was so needed that I would have given up without it.

University is so stressful and I didn’t realize how much my body was suffering.

It was definitely a kick in the ass.

Buckingham, Depressed, Travel, Uncategorized

Top five places I have to visit.

Okay, so this will more than likely change in the next 15 minutes but it’s worth a shot.

1: Cuba

I love the idea of going back in time but since that’s impossible I’ll settle for a country frozen in time. I want to see old cars and stand on the street that separates the rich from the poor. I want to eat outside and just take it all in.

 

2: Greece

Greece, Mykonos & Santorini, October 2018

This picture speaks for itself. I love water and countries surrounded by water make me so happy because I love the beach.

 

3: Morocco

Morocco, floatation, currency

I want a red house but a blue one will do as long as it close to the beach. I want to learn how to fish but I know that I don’t have that patience. Morocco is supposed to be cheap but at the same time have great quality in their products. So I want to shop and see a beach but at the meet new people.

 

4: South Korea

South Korea is a great place for an autumn holiday. There are plenty of spots to enjoy the fiery reds and oranges of fall, and have a taste of the country’s rich culture and tradition. This itinerary takes you in and around Seoul, then guides you to venture out into the countryside where you’ll see South Korea’s best spots for autumn.

They are known for their beauty, which is beyond me. I don’t know the first thing about makeup and wish I did but I have never been able to get the hang of it. Other than that, I want to sit outside and eat at one of those places that allows you to cook the meal.

 

5: Brazil

Honestly, this is because I want to see the difference between here and Cuba.

I want to go to a lot more countries but these are my top five, for now.

 

Depressed, Education, Feeling sorry, Planning, Student, Travel

Planning vacations.

I have a 5 week vacation coming up mid- December but I’m stupid broke.

Like broke people see me and they look away trying not to show pity.

However, I have to be irresponsible and go somewhere, so when looking for inspiration I do what most people do and hit the internet.

There are so many places to visit and I cant imagine just picking one place, so I have to plan and plan and plan till I have it down to a tee.

My favorite source of planning and picking a place is Facebook. A page called Places You’ll See has shown me more places than I would have ever thought of.

Watching travel videos and going through pictures makes everything so surreal.

Depressed, Education, Loneliness, Moving, Student, Travel

Traveler’s struggles

Okay, so I’ve been on this traveling journey for close to a year now.

I find that getting the time to travel and completing your at home responsibilities to be my biggest challenge.

This year, I’ve gone to Spain, France, the Netherlands and have now settled in England. The problem with that is that I now have to pay England living prices.

But not just that England university living prices.

For those that don’t know, England is expensive, not Singapore or Hong Kong expensive but up there. For every dollar I spend I cry a little inside.

Not being able to travel at a wim is frustrating and saddening but mostly it makes me feel trapped.

Money is the root to all evil but it supplies you with much needed travel time.