Adjustment, anxiety, Buckingham, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Mistake, Moving, Student

Fight

Life is looking up, I feel less out of control in certain aspects of my life. Making moves in order to chase a dream has proven to be a challenge in itself but I am ready for it… slightly.

I’m scared out of my mind and up until a day ago I was preparing to run away and hide out in the Netherlands for a month or two.

When picking a school, I thought about the school that would give me the biggest leg up in the career that I was wanting. I did not understand that that would come with a school that is not well organized nor well equipped to deal with
me and how I am making payments.

The administration is one of the biggest reasons that I’ve had so many issues with transitioning into this university life. Instead of worrying about grades and homework, I’m worried about bills and being able to eat.

I recently learned that students in California are living in their cars on campus and I was like well damn I could have done that back in the states. That is the saddest thought, outside of the crippling depression.

Yes, I have gone to see someone about it and her advice was to go home and that university is not for everyone.

WHAT? My insides were scream “how dare this lady tell you to give up!” I stared at a woman that sounded like society and nodded knowing I was not able to give up after sinking this far into debt.

Society nor depression will push me off the path to my dream job.

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Adjustment, anxiety, Budget, Cheap, Education, England, Loneliness, Planning, Student, Travel

Life without money

As much as I would like to be dripping in C notes, I’m not.

But heres the thing, I dont have expensive taste. I live paycheck to paycheck and it’s fine because i shop on the cheap always.

However, my addiction to traveling has left me wanting that lavish lifestyle. It’s forcing my mind to panic and like for money every where I turn.

I see now why people become strippers to fund school and if I was in shape I’d do it as well. But I’d also be terrible at it because I can’t dance.

Like at all. It’s a shame.

The need for a second job is pulling my down and making life hard.

Like every other self funded college student I must learn to push through.

Life has changed and I must adapt and change with it to survive.

anxiety, Depressed, Education, England, Feeling sorry, Mistake, Moving, Planning, Uncategorized

My future

I question my life choices every day and wonder is it enough for me to be strong-willed and stubborn.

Money plays a large fact in everyday life and with me not being apart of the top 1%, I like everyone else has to work for a living.

Hmm, I am valued by how many hours I put in and how hard I slave away. Being a number in the system doesn’t sound fun to me.

Does anyone truly have a plan for the future? I’m spending thousands of dollar (or pounds) on a chance.

The possibility of a chance to be a writer or a PR agent. What a gamble.

*** Never drink people, this was in my drafts.

anxiety, Depressed, Education, Feeling sorry, Loneliness, Student

Anxiety Attack

I had a massive anxiety attack during an interview.

So if you don’t know, I’m in college studying journalism. Yay! However, it’s crazy hard and I’ve been struggling to keep up.

The professor says that I’m taking it to serious and that I’m not doing awful.

Apparently, my mind and body are not in agreement with him.

But I was out following a story and just walked into this man’s shop. Sweet man and he had no problem letting me interview him.

I have been told that I talk to much and need to let the person speak. Well I spoke during the interview and that completely screwed me.

I got a hot flash and my ears started to ring, I got lightheaded and could hear my heartbeat in my ear.

The stress, thought and fear of failure is trying to kill me.

I stood there and let this mental attack go on because I needed this shot. This interview was so needed that I would have given up without it.

University is so stressful and I didn’t realize how much my body was suffering.

It was definitely a kick in the ass.